Stop anxiety with my mom’s super-simple, secret code

My mother and I have a secret code. When she gets to feeling anxious – which happens to her a lot – she looks at me and asks, “What is that thing we say?” and I, knowing just what she means, say, “So what.”

“Yes,” she sighs, sinking back into her pillows. “So what.”

What we mean is: So what that I am feeling this way or that way? There is no story here – no drama to get caught up in.

There is no need to spin ourselves into a frenzy trying to figure out WHY she is feeling anxious. We don’t need to know the cause or the cure.

All of that just holds our attention on the anxiety – which gives it more power – and makes it increase.

We’ve found that when we meet her anxiety with our secret code, asking, “So what?” the anxiety just sits there, not bothering anyone.

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Susan

That is beautiful, precise and incredibly insightful. Well done for both you and your mother.

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Amy

Thank you! And thanks for stopping by to leave a comment.

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Sara

Such a helpful easy way to stop the spinning. I want to remember it in the middle of the night and tell my husband too. THank you.

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Amy

It really does help – the mind needs to rest, too. :)

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Barb

So simple. I can hear you saying the words. This is one to remember…

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Amy

As I hear your voice, dear friend, in this comment.

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Sheila Bergquist

I suffer terribly from anxiety and am going to remember these words and try them. Thanks.

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