Every day, I find some reason to disconnect from the divine.
I wake from sleep, centered in myself and full of light – and somewhere between my shower and my cup of tea, I find some reason to separate: some twinge of pain that reminds me “You’re getting older,” some Post-it note affixed to the mirror that reminds me, “You’re late.”
From that moment on, i begin to look outside of myself for peace.
My mind spirals away from me, begins searching for something better, something different – some magic skin cream I could rub into my body to turn back time; some perfect food or supplement I could ingest to change me.
This continues all morning. When I work from this separated place, I am unable to settle. I go through the motions of working, but my mind is dreaming of other, better work. I answer the phone but my mind is dreaming of another, better conversation.
I eat my lunch and instead of enjoying this gift of food, I am obsessing over some problem or circumstance: my mind scheming what to say, how to handle things – a million miles away from this tomato, this potato.
But at some point in each day, there is an opening – a moment of clarity arrives, often when I realize how uncomfortable I am, how separate I feel.
This is the point of most power – this simple truth, this awakening gives me the chance to change things.
I have a choice. I can tell the story of this discomfort and how it plagues me; a story in which I am the hapless victim of the circumstances of the world.
Or I can wake up…
… and reconnect to the simple truth that the same centered, light-filled space out of which I awoke this morning is also available to me now. It’s always available – all day long, every day.
I can remember that this worry or argument or financial crisis is not what it appears. There is only this moment, and whatever it contains, offering itself – as an invitation to meet it.
To meet it. As it is. As I am.
To realize that there is nothing missing from me – there is no secret prayer, magic pill or potion that I need. It’s all here, inviting me into relationship -
into awareness. Inviting me to do the one simple thing there is to do: Open to what is here.
But like I said, it’s a choice. It’s always a choice: I don’t have to open. I can go back to sleep. And sometimes, that’s the choice that i make. It’s easier, it’s seductive, like awakened awareness, the illusion is also, always there.
But in these moments of heightened awareness, I can choose consciously.
And lately, I’ve been choosing to stay awake. Even when it sucks. And it has sucked lately.
Still, I climb back to the center of the seat of myself and rest here – no matter what comes. From this place, I fill my life with my own light, my own radiance – sourced from the light of the divine that lives at the center of my heart.
I re-occupy myself, reconnecting with the divine, and I fill my own life with radiance.