The Goo inside the Cocoon

I have learned many thing from the people I meet on Twitter. Today, two truths:

The first from Tom Hirons aka @coyopa. This complex and mysterious human, a former WIlderness Rites of Passage guide from the UK, told me about The Bardo.

The Bardo is a resting place. A clear flat lake of light and silence. White. Space.

I have been to that lake – which is how I know that sometimes, the bardo is also like the inside of a cocoon, where so Sarah Robinson tells me, a caterpillar goes to disintegrate into goo.

From the looks of things, in this video, the caterpillar dissolves to goo, sheds its caterpillar skin and then the goo forms a hard protective shell.

In that way, the caterpillar is both goo and cocoon; it is also, caterpillar and butterfly.

Making the Cocoon

Inside the Cocoon

In Waldorf schools, parents are discouraged from taking photos or videos of the children. It is held that seeing images of themselves will make the children self-conscious at at a time when they are supposed to be living in a state of blended consciousness with the world around them.

A state of blended consciousness with the world around us.

It is believed that seeing images of themselves disturbs pretend play, the innate and critical stage of childhood that gives us the ability to use the imagination to create worlds.

We use the imagination to create worlds.

After the cocoon, you climb out, swollen with afterbirth, wings wet. Fresh from the Bardo, you do not just fly off. You hang around, collecting yourself, building courage and strength. You practice flapping your wings.

I was the second person to speak.

I am always an eager sharer. Hand in the air, willing to be seen. But because I was not wearing makeup and my nose was red and runny, I opted out of the opportunity to be recorded on video.

That was not the real reason I was camera shy.

I knew the power of memory. I knew that, without a video of my breakdown and breakthrough, I would have only the perspective of the experience from the inside. No self-conscious images to pick apart: Look at that outfit, your hair was a mess, how could you have said THAT????

The butterfly has only its own perspective, emerging from the cocoon where it has tranformed from goo to winged creature: It felt like I would burst with joy. I had to push and press and fight my way to the light. And the light, the light, the light. That was all that mattered.

The story that I told that day

{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

Sarah Robinson

Dadgum ya’ll were listening. And you make the stuff I said sound so smart. You’ve taken a simple story that I did not even plan on sharing and made all sparkly. What a gift you are. :-)

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Megan Matthieson

So beautiful. I’m so glad I got the opportunity to meet. That now, when I see your avatar, I actually know you, and it’s attached to all your beautiful writing. So lucky.

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Amy

I feel exactly the same way about you. :)

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nicole willis

thank you for sharing…and your wings look gorgeous!

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Amy

Ah, Sarah. Words escape me. Except for these: I am the gift, yes. And so are you.

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BigMamaCass

Wow. I don’t even know what to say but wow.

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Erin Margolin

Your writing blows my mind, Amy. Your power with words…they’re like putty in your hands. You mold them and they become your essence.

Teach me how to become a beautiful butterfly like you.

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Amy

Thank you, Erin. But you are already harnessing your writing power. Your work is amazing. Keep doing it…

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Julie Daley

sometimes, we see ourselves in another. sometimes, i see you in me and me in you. sometimes, there are no words, other than thank you. thank you for being willing to expose yourself, your most tender places, your most tender pinkness, your soft pink underbelly, so that I may know my own. thank you. namaste.

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wholly jeanne

drowning and drowning and drowning in miracles. yes. absolutely.

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Lisa MB

“It is all designed to open us, all designed to teach us, all of it designed with the most precise and precious love. A divine love we can only begin to imagine.”

I so want you to be right. I so want to believe you. The shattering. The losses. The pain. That it all really is meant to bring me closer to this divine love you speak of.

I have glimpses of this “truth.” This week, I could actually feel it. And through your beautiful words, Amy, you remind me to just stay open. Open to the miracles. Open to the love.

Thank you, dear one. Thank you.

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Deepak

WOW! What a beautiful caplatilerr and butterfly!! We never have anything but moths around here. No fun once they morph from the little fuzzy beings they started out as. Great pics!

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Jen Saunders

I wish I could write some beautiful, lengthy paragraph to express what is in my heart, but all that is coming to mind are words. Words like

beauty
love
heartbreak
healing
truth
sharing
gratitude
peace

I thank you for sharing this. Namaste.

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Kat Jaibur (@katjaib)

You write with such beauty. A modern day Rumi. I could listen to you tell the story of how to open a bottle of water. And that said, I am so so glad you came back to THIS story. How is it possible that you could tell it in even more exquisite detail than when you first told us in Atlanta? It took my breath away then. It does so now.

“We don’t abandon people. We don’t leave people lying in the driveway.”

Oh, my. The power.

What I remember you ending with in Atlanta was about….. Devotion. (Love that word). How in your devotion to your parents you came to understand, feel, know the Divine’s devotion to us. (At least that’s my version, and I’m sticking to it.) And it leaves me feeling like I’m floating, floating, floating on a sea of miracles. Thank you, gifted one.

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Amy Miyamoto (@LotusAmy)

Amy,
Your words evoke deep wisdom, beauty, and the loving power of the heart!
Thank you.
Amy

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Shelly

I loved watching you speak on this this, having conversation with you and putting YOU behind your avatar. Devotion is a great thing to have :)

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Linda

Amy this was such a beautiful and heart-wrenching story. I imagine if you went to Paris following Dad’s fall and mom’s health issues, you would not have enjoyed the journey.

Life in all forms certainly knocks us to our knees. We can always get up though, even if we require assistance.

Your parents raised an amazing daughter.

Thank you,
Linda

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Michelle @mmangen

Amy:

While a few days late from publish to my visit here….I made it!

This is a beautiful story even with the pain in it.

Have you made it to Paris?

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Amy

Michelle – Not yet. But I am planning a trip this winter with my daughter. My son is in England for a semester. We’d like to visit him for Christmas.

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Shuli

You don’t know me Amy, I have only met you through your writing.
I wish I had half the clarity of soul you have to express your truth. You amaze me, I’ve been reading your blog all morning. You have a transparency that only fresh air can have.
I wish I could know more about you, I hear of who your teachers have been, I sense some of your spiritual beliefs, I want more…
I’m in awe and gratitude
Thank you
Shuli (Shulamit Lando)
May the Blessings Be!

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Amy

Shuli – I am …. well, speechless at this burst of praise, of blessing you’ve left for me. And just when I really needed it. Thank you. Are we Twitter friends? If not, please reach out and let me know who YOU are!

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