This morning, I overhauled my planner.
I teach a class about vision. I teach people to hook their actions to the larger themes of their lives; to link each choice with a whole human vision of who they really are.
And yet, and yet, and yet… lately, I’ve been feeling as if my planner was running me. As if my life were divided into little colored squares on a screen. I felt as if I’d picked up a hyper-vigilant inner coach who was driving me harder every day: a new version of the inner nitpicker I thought that I’d tamed.
- Can’t you write any faster? You HAVE A PHONE APPOINTMENT in one hour!!
- Better skip that visit to the GYM, you have TWO CLIENT CALLS today.
- And that luscious idea you woke up with, that’s not on the agenda today. Scribble it down and MAYBE you can do it during your WORK BLOCK, if you have the time.
Ugh. Not exactly living in the flow. I came unmoored. I got the flu.
Ah, but the perfectionist is such a gift. She shows me where I’m unkind to myself, reveals the places where I still feel vulnerable, where I don’t quite trust the flow. She calibrates just how far I’ve strayed from the deep core of purpose that powers my life (you have one, too – the perfectionist and the core of purpose.) And then, she ever so carefully nudges me back on course.
Which is how. this morning, I wound up re-purposing my planner. Here’s what it says now:
- Go to the Gym: because there is a beautiful, strong and healthy 65 year old woman who is beaming at you from the future; in love with your integrity, and so grateful that you did this body work now so that she could continue to live, to thrive, to play and grow.
- Write your heart out: because you love the feeling of the pen across the paper; because you understand now that you are standing at the edge between worlds, a translator of light into words. Each story is a gift, a miracle. Savor it. Hold it in your heart like a sweet. Let it melt you. Let it fill you with light.
- Do your best at work: because you finally trust that this incredible job is real – opening to what is asking to be born through you with whole heart and wide mind.
- Talk to your tribe: because you are in love with your students; because you want to share ALL of what you know; life makes time for what matters; Share your voice.
- Cook for your family: because standing at the stove is a kind of alchemy; a chemistry of spices and sunlight, translated into life-giving energy by these vegetables, these fruits, this bounty. because you are the heart and hearth of your family; nourishing, nurturing.
- Make time for Dad: Visiting your father is devotional practice. Drink in his extraordinary wisdom. Wash his hands. Feed him. Bring him the favor, scent and sound of the world.
- and Mom: Every day with your mother is a valentine, a miraculous bonus, it’s whipped cream; it’s the cherry. Savor. Play with her, help her, while she is here, to recreate the world.