The edge of the year

In recent years, I’ve realized (finally) that mad parties and champagne toasts do not feed me. I have learned, instead, to spend new year’s eve (and day) opening the closet of myself and sorting through it.

What will I find this year? Some things I know:

• I will find that I’ve reached an edge – in my work and in myself; that my heart no longer resonates with some of the things that I’ve built; and, that I want, quite fiercely, to expand into others.
• I feel pulled to write more, and more deeply. I am frustrated with the pace that I (believe that I) must keep as a ‘blogger’ – I need vast expanses of time to sink into my memoir and I have not given myself this time.
• I will find that I want to clean up my home.
• I will find the need for a leaner, neater schedule. One client a day – so that I can give myself fully without draining down the energy that I need to power my own life.
• I know that I will find frustration. I joined the gym last month and immediately came down with a flu that left me dragging for three weeks. I have paid a full membership fee and not been there once.

Some things I don’t know:

• I don’t know what stops me from going to the gym, now that the flu is gone. I know some silly things, residue from high school. I don’t have the right gym clothes or gym bag. I don’t remember how the lockers work. I don’t have designer underwear. I know I’m afraid that if I stop to workout, I will lose my ‘morning mind,’ the open dream state out of which I do much of my writing. But there is something else, some resistance I will be exploring.
• I don’t know the exact steps to take to get my work to a wider audience. But I know I must find them.
• I don’t know where I will be when this year ends… though I know where I hope to be.

Last week, I talked about how to create a vision that you can’t help but fall in love with. A vision that will draw you forward, power you across edges in yourself: a vision that is worthy of your highest, best self.

1. Review the year. I like to go back through my calendar and remind myself where I’ve been, what I’ve done.
2. Celebrate the good. Really. Stop and let in all of the ways that you hit the mark, made it work, got where you wanted to get.
3. Note the ‘less good.” Gently. Let yourself see what you might not want to see. Do this without beating up on yourself, without judging. And do try to do it without ‘if only…” and “I should have…”
4. Consider, for the ‘less good’: How do I wish it had been? (This post on regret might help with that.)
5. Move out of ‘if only…” and “I should have…’ into acceptance. This is how it fell out. This is what was. From a spiritual perspective, things always unfold as they should. (This means, simply, that nothing is wasted; nothing happens that does not touch us, does not move us toward our destiny. Nothing.)
6. Translate your ‘mistakes’ and ‘failures’ into guidance.
7. Let it all go. Forgive yourself for being imperfect. Honor what you did and didn’t do.

And then… 

• Throw yourself a little party with some scissors and glue, building a vision board, write in your journal. Let this party last as long as it needs to last. I am constantly updating my vision board; things change, new inspirations come. Nothing is set in stone. Let yourself – and your vision, evolve.
• While you work, have some wine, or mulled cider, or a nice cup of tea.
• Let Shuffle have its way with your playlist. Stop, every now and then, to dance.
• As you dance, and write, and contemplate the coming year, let joy flood your body. Joy flooding your body is a very good thing.
• Think about the world (and the life) that’s streaming toward you from the future.
• Open to it.
• Let yourself want it.
• Let yourself love it.
• When your eyelids get heavy, honor your body’s guidance and tuck yourself into bed.
• Before you fall asleep, offer a prayer of gratitude for all that will be. Doing this now, here – before the goods arrive is powerful vision work. It tells the forces that co-create the world with you: I know that you are there; I sense your abiding love, your constant support. 
• It affirms and strengthens your deep inner knowing that anything ANYTHING is possible with a strong vision, firmly held – and an open and eager heart.

PS If this kind of work resonates for you, I invite you to consider enrolling in the Soul Caller Training. You will find a full description here.

And now, here are some lovelies to start off a wonderful new year.