It’s not my job to hold the space of perfection for you
I am not perfect.
Sometimes, I do something that someone does not like. Sometimes, they tell me. Other times, I sense that I’ve upset them. This used to bother me – a lot – back when I thought that it was my job to hold the space of perfection for everyone… everywhere… all the time.
It doesn’t bother me, not much, not anymore.
As a recovering people-pleasing perfectionist, I’m not always able to catch myself tap dancing for you at the expense of my own well-being but once I do catch it, I am ALWAYS able to recover.
To come back to center – back to myself.
I do this by cultivating, through steady daily practice, a space of quiet, safe presence; an opening in the world inside of which I can stand and feel whole and free. Inside of that space, I can invite you to stand beside me.
Inside of that space, I can invite you to stand beside me.
And you know what, that’s pretty close to perfect for me.
From this space, I can even welcome a critical, dissatisfied person and really be with him – or her. I can allow him to speak his truth. I can listen, respectfully – truly curious – without making it about me. Because it’s not about me.
Your dissatisfaction with me is not about me.
It’s also none of my business, not really. Not my business to fix it for you. Not my business to fix whatever you don’t like about me so you can feel better about the world, about yourself or about our relationship
That’s your business.
That said, it can hurt – it does hurt – when someone says mean things to me – or someone who used to love me doesn’t love me anymore. Those feelings are my business. Not his. Not hers.
Big sigh. Relationships are so f’g complicated.
From the space of clarity and presence, I can see the truth: this person is not my enemy. He’s my teacher – and always a reflection of something in me.
From him, from her, I can learn where I am out of alignment with integrity, without needing to make him forgive me – or even like me.
There is such freedom in disengaging from the shame and blame game.
Such ease in releasing those who don’t like me. It’s no longer necessary for everyone to like me. Only that the people who do like me can find me and can join me in the space of perfect blessing.
Only that I do not lose touch with the truth: all of this, even the hard part, is love emerging.