This argument you’re having with your partner/brother/mother/neighbor is a soul call

Arguing? Ready to tell this person standing before you just what he or she should do?

Wait. I have something to tell you:

That SHOULD you’re cooking up is a soul call.

Only it’s not for the person standing before you, it’s for you.

What to do:

1) Catch the thought.
What do you think should happen? (Write it down if you can.)

“She SHOULD notice how hard I work.”
“He SHOULD appreciate the effort I made on this meal.”
“People SHOULDN’T treat each other that way.”

2) Ask:
What is this ‘should’ calling for?

“She should notice… ” is calling for recognition.
“He should appreciate… ” is calling for appreciation.
“People shouldn’t treat each other that way” is calling for kindness.

… and all of them are shades of a deeper call: for love.
so begin there.

3) Let yourself experience the deeper call.
The REAL reason you think this person SHOULD recognize, appreciate, be kind or love you.

You want to connect.

You want to SHARE recognition, appreciation, kindness – and love with this person.

Love is calling to you – and you are using your SHOULD’S to push it away.

Stop.
Breathe.
Come into your own heart.
And repeat after me…

I am sorry that I used this person to separate from…
recognition
appreciation
kindness…
love.

5) Close the gap – move from separation to unity.

Let love have you. Let it sweep through you.

Recognize love.
Appreciate love.
Be kind to love. 

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Rika

I want to get this. Ironically I felt all 3 “shoulds” tonight. But don’t really get what you are saying. So just STOP the feeling terrible? But how do I feel loved, appreciated by this person then? I’m to recognize that I have love inside me that isn’t connecting with this person? Not quite grasping the answer.

Reply

Amy

Thank you for this question. It helps me to clarify what I’ve seen – so that I can explain it to you.

When I read back the post, I can see that three’s a piece missing. Here it is:

The principle is that we separate ourselves from love with our expectations about what love should look like. Then, we feel terrible because we are separated from love.

So the work is two fold:
First, to return to love. Just because WE miss being there. When we separate from love – we suffer.

Second, to offer ourselves forgiveness for that separation.

Then, once we have reunited with love, to turn toward the other person (in our heart and mind) and return them to love, too. We do this in the same way.

For me, the best expression of this principle, can be found in the Hawaiian practice of Ho’o pono pono, which offers this four-step process:

I love you.
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.

Many traditions have similar processes of return, repair and reintegration, including: A Course in Miracles, and, so I’m told, in the end-of-life process some hospice workers suggest.

We turn toward the self, and we do the work.
We turn toward the other, and we do the work.
We turn toward the situation, and we do the work.
We turn toward anything that separates us from love and we do the work.

It’s the work that does this.
If you just read the post and try to figure this out with your mind, you won’t get it.

When you do this simple practice, the heart suddenly gets it and explains it to the mind.

Reply

Anthea

Oh Beautiful Amy – I Love, Love. Love this x You are always calling me home. The explanation was great too x

Reply

Amy

Thank you love. We all call each other home. :)

Reply

Toni Moore

Weeping, Crying, Bawling, Snot Slinging like a Sissy Baby! Thank you Amy

Reply

Amy

Oh, my love. Look at that beautiful heart open and open. :)

Reply

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