Lately, I’ve been UnPerfecting myself. (And just so you know, this is not a misspelling or misunderstanding of the word imperfection. They are close cousins, these words, but they are not the same thing.)

UnPerfecting is a process – a day by day, step by step peeling away of the layers of mind chatter, ego BS, noise and junk that goes on in the mind in order to keep us from seeing how already perfect we are.

Unperfecting is not about embracing imperfection, though that does come up as we peel. It’s a gradual realization that beneath all those layers and veils and costumes and masks there’s a light – a soft focus, bright white light that:

  • has always been there
  • never goes out
  • loves us and is also a part of us
  • loves life and is also a part of life
  • loves the Divine and is also a part of the Divine

This light, this brilliant sweet candy center of the self knows exactly who we are. Its job is to stay right there glowing, honest and true – knowing why we decided to come to this planet of happy/sad contradiction. It understands the people we meet, the people we help make, the people we do not understand. Its job is to help us stay and steer and search until we find our way.

When I work with a client, I can sometimes see it. To me, it looks like a precious pearl. This pearl is:

  • Our compass – calling and guiding us toward the mission and purpose of our life
  • Our sense of self – gently reminding us when we stray, “That action, thought or word is out of alignment with who you really are.” The same sense that knows when we encounter a person, place or thing that IS in alignment.

Working with clients, I have come to understand that the mind chatter, ego subterfuge and outright lying that forms the veils is really, beneath the nastiness, an act of profound love.

How could it be other than that? For though each veil was spun out of misunderstanding – as we grew from innocence to adulthood – each was intended to protect and defend and seal off the most precious part of the soul: That pearl.

Each time we were wounded, each time we felt afraid – our mind spun a story and wrapped it gently around the pearl. Each veil is a lie, generated by a misunderstanding or a wound.

The misunderstanding that:

  • the pearl could be damaged
  • the pearl might leave – and that without it, we would lose all hope of finding our way home

A story of:

  • “Me against the world.”
  • “Each man for himself.”

Out of these illusions, we come to believe:

  • I must pretend to be stronger, bigger, more powerful than I actually feel. I must never show my vulnerability, my longing, my true desire.
  • I must hide my true self away, protect it at all costs – even the heartbreaking, soul-crushing cost of never allowing it to shine. That’s how precious that pearl is to us.

In Unperfecting, we do not attack the protective ego. We honor it. We own it. We look around the room and we say: This is where I am right now – imperfect, a little scared and unsteady.

  • In this life that I have built so far, with this heart, these hands and this patchwork of ideas.
  • In this room that I have managed to decorate with the this and that of my journey.
  • In this family imperfect as it is.
  • This.
  • Here.
  • Is where I am.

And still, deep at the center of my soul, there is this Divine pearl of light, loyal and true. Glowing

This is where we begin. One step, one realization, one moment at a time, moving through the layers that keep us from knowing it, seeing it, working with our own precious pearl.

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Showing 13 comments
  • denise

    Did you hear that huge blowing sound? That was just me, exhaling a delighted, contended sigh. This is just wonderful. Thank you for these glowing words, themselves like pearls.

  • kelly

    I love this in about a million different ways. Truly. Just so exactly what I needed to read at just exactly this day in my life. That hug you sent brought me here, and see? There was a reason. My thanks to you. And of course, a hug.

    • Amy

      THanks, Kelly. Yes, always a reason.

  • Joe Dixon

    Amy, this is an amazing post. Like Liz said, it has me on the verge of tears. It is so easy to forget that we are all just messed up, scared, uncertain balls of lies and baggage that we choose, for whatever reason, to carry around with us.

    I love this post. I think that I need to read something like this every day, just so I can remain mindful of the truth of this sort of idea. It’s so easy to get distracted with everything else that goes on in the world.

    Thank you.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Love your style. I found you through Twitter.

    We all hide the same story from each other…the one of imperfection. I will not keep my shadow side from you and you don’t have to keep yours from me. Unperfecting…I’m all for it.

  • Liz

    this post, Amy, has brought me close to tears. thank you for your guidance.

    • Amy Oscar

      Thank you, dear Liz. 🙂

  • Katie

    Perfectly yummy! I’ve been thinking a lot about imperfection and couldn’t agree more with your soulful insights.

    • Amy

      🙂 So glad you stopped by.

  • Alicia

    I love this line and it is such a sensitive balance in unperfecting ourselves – something I desperately need to work on.

    “In Unperfecting, we do not attack the protective ego. We honor it. We own it. We look around the room and we say: This is where I am right now – imperfect, a little scared and unsteady.”

    • Amy

      A sensitive balance, yes – but I find that once I get started, it’s easier than I thought it would be… because guidance comes to help me. Asking for help and learning to sense and receive it has made all the difference for me.

  • Amy

    I love that your pearl is a glowing blue topaz. I love that you feel it calling to you. I’m so glad that it led you to me (and my pearl is glad too.) xxoo

  • Andrea Maurer

    This is beautiful. And although I see my own pearl as rather a glowing blue topaz, my attention has been continuously drawn to it over and over again in the last couple of months. It calls to me to dig deeper in order to uncover its brilliance. It whispers in my ear and assures me that I have only scratched the surface in my quest to find what I’ve been looking for. It sends me messages and cheers me on. It tells me the way to it is, as you intimated, through vulnerability and my purest of desires.

    I read a Martha Beck quote yesterday… “To see your truest nature is to recognize that you have a capacity for goodness far greater than you ever dreamed, with all the responsibility that entails.”

    Yep. That just about sums it up. You and Martha seem to be on the same page. Thank you.

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