Lately, I’ve been UnPerfecting myself. (And just so you know, this is not a misspelling or misunderstanding of the word imperfection. They are close cousins, these words, but they are not the same thing.)
UnPerfecting is a process – a day by day, step by step peeling away of the layers of mind chatter, ego BS, noise and junk that goes on in the mind in order to keep us from seeing how already perfect we are.
Unperfecting is not about embracing imperfection, though that does come up as we peel. It’s a gradual realization that beneath all those layers and veils and costumes and masks there’s a light – a soft focus, bright white light that:
- has always been there
- never goes out
- loves us and is also a part of us
- loves life and is also a part of life
- loves the Divine and is also a part of the Divine
This light, this brilliant sweet candy center of the self knows exactly who we are. Its job is to stay right there glowing, honest and true – knowing why we decided to come to this planet of happy/sad contradiction. It understands the people we meet, the people we help make, the people we do not understand. Its job is to help us stay and steer and search until we find our way.
When I work with a client, I can sometimes see it. To me, it looks like a precious pearl. This pearl is:
- Our compass – calling and guiding us toward the mission and purpose of our life
- Our sense of self – gently reminding us when we stray, “That action, thought or word is out of alignment with who you really are.” The same sense that knows when we encounter a person, place or thing that IS in alignment.
Working with clients, I have come to understand that the mind chatter, ego subterfuge and outright lying that forms the veils is really, beneath the nastiness, an act of profound love.
How could it be other than that? For though each veil was spun out of misunderstanding – as we grew from innocence to adulthood – each was intended to protect and defend and seal off the most precious part of the soul: That pearl.
Each time we were wounded, each time we felt afraid – our mind spun a story and wrapped it gently around the pearl. Each veil is a lie, generated by a misunderstanding or a wound.
The misunderstanding that:
- the pearl could be damaged
- the pearl might leave – and that without it, we would lose all hope of finding our way home
A story of:
- “Me against the world.”
- “Each man for himself.”
Out of these illusions, we come to believe:
- I must pretend to be stronger, bigger, more powerful than I actually feel. I must never show my vulnerability, my longing, my true desire.
- I must hide my true self away, protect it at all costs – even the heartbreaking, soul-crushing cost of never allowing it to shine. That’s how precious that pearl is to us.
In Unperfecting, we do not attack the protective ego. We honor it. We own it. We look around the room and we say: This is where I am right now – imperfect, a little scared and unsteady.
- In this life that I have built so far, with this heart, these hands and this patchwork of ideas.
- In this room that I have managed to decorate with the this and that of my journey.
- In this family imperfect as it is.
- Is where I am.
And still, deep at the center of my soul, there is this Divine pearl of light, loyal and true. Glowing
This is where we begin. One step, one realization, one moment at a time, moving through the layers that keep us from knowing it, seeing it, working with our own precious pearl.