Not Writing

 The list of things I do that don't contribute to my writing is long, well-practiced and even, entertaining.But that is not my problem with writing.The thing that I lack is structure - a raison d'ecrire.Well, not really.Not at all.I know exactly WHY I'm writing. I just, often (and imagine as you read this that I just sighed heavily, resignedly, in a kind of "Oh, I am so pathetic" sort of way) don't know WHERE I'm writing toward.A compass would be nice. One of those pretty, shiny ones people inherit from grandfathers who were once mariners or captains of industry.I don't have an ancestor like that.I come from a long line of... well, social workers. Social workers and artists. Oh, and people who are involved, in one way or another, with books.I inherit - from relatives, all resting at varying degrees of aliveness - a great many books.Writing teacher/author Natalie Goldberg (Wild Mind) says the most important thing is to keep your pen moving. My pen keeps moving. I spin words the way milkweed pods spew seeds - in great bursts of floating, gorgeous fluff.But it feels, far too often, LIKE fluff. At least to me...In the film, 'The Lord of The Rings,' as the companions who will accompany Frodo on his quest are assembling, young and eager Pippin runs up and joins the group. Only after , Lord Elron declares them "The Fellowship of the Ring" does Pippin ask, "Where are we going?"This is the way that I write.Eager to be moving, to be going somewhere - anywhere; to be engaged and traveling with friends; I enjoy the sights and pleasures along the way, including, like Pippin, 'breakfast, second breakfast, elevenseys, lunch, tea, dinner, supper...'Travelers must keep their strength upBut this year, I'm ready to know - no, to decide, where that somewhere is. This year, I am drawing maps.Of course, if I sign up for one more 'map making' program, one more, 'this class will change your life' class, the map making will overwhelm the writing and we will be having a different conversation.But for now, I'm having fun cutting things out of magazines and building vision boards, assembling stories for my weekly newsletters, pulling myself to full height and sending an invitation to my BIG email list..On her blog, my friend, Mrs. Mediocrity, who is also doing this challenge, wrote, that what she needs is FOCUS.I need that too.Focus, a compass, a map of my own design, and a sturdy pen.I also need tea - gallons and gallons of tea - but not so much that tea, too, becomes a distraction or a way of not writing.Finally, I need, as my daughter pointed out: Time spent NOT writing; for there (in the shower, with foam in my hands and water streaming down my face; in the woods, miles from pen or paper; in the car, with writing tools packed neatly into the trunk) I find the most inspired and extraordinary things to say.