This argument you’re having with your partner/ brother/ mother/ neighbor is a soul call

—Arguing? Ready to tell this person standing before you just what he or she should do?

Wait. I have something to tell you:

That SHOULD you’re cooking up is a soul call.

Only it’s not for the person standing before you, it’s for you.

What to do:

1) Catch the thought. What do you think should happen?

“She SHOULD notice how hard I work.”
“He SHOULD appreciate the effort I made on this meal.”
“People SHOULDN’T treat each other that way.”

2) Inquire within: What is this ‘should’ calling for?

“She should notice… ”
is calling for recognition.

“He should appreciate… ”
is calling for appreciation.

“People shouldn’t treat each other that way”
is calling for kindness.

… and all of them are shades of a deeper call: for love.
so begin there.

Let yourself experience the deeper call. The REAL reason you think this person SHOULD recognize, appreciate, be kind or love you.

You want to connect.

Love is calling to you – and you are using your SHOULD’s to push it away.

Come into your own heart.
And repeat after me…

I am sorry that I used this person to separate from…

Please forgive me.
(Say this to yourself.)
This closes the illusion that there’s a gap between you and the love that you need

Forgive yourself for not understanding
– move from separation to unity.

Let love have you. Let it sweep through you.

Recognize the love that you are. The love that is here with you.
Appreciate the love that you are. The love that is here with you.
Be kind to the love that you are. The love that is here with you.

Extra Credit:
The next time you catch yourself thinking what someone else ‘should’ offer to you – attention, understanding, affection, a little romance – offer it to them.

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Showing 6 comments
  • Toni Moore

    Weeping, Crying, Bawling, Snot Slinging like a Sissy Baby! Thank you Amy

    • Amy

      Oh, my love. Look at that beautiful heart open and open. 🙂

  • Anthea

    Oh Beautiful Amy – I Love, Love. Love this x You are always calling me home. The explanation was great too x

    • Amy

      Thank you love. We all call each other home. 🙂

  • Rika

    I want to get this. Ironically I felt all 3 “shoulds” tonight. But don’t really get what you are saying. So just STOP the feeling terrible? But how do I feel loved, appreciated by this person then? I’m to recognize that I have love inside me that isn’t connecting with this person? Not quite grasping the answer.

    • Amy

      We separate ourselves from love with our expectations about what love should look like. Then, we feel terrible because we are separated from love.

      To shift out of this illusion, the work is simple. Just two steps:

      First, return to love. Without expectation that the other person change. Just because WE miss being connected to love. Because when we separate from love – even when it seems to be someone else’s fault – it is we who suffer.

      Second, offer yourself forgiveness for that separation. Realizing that you’re separate and that you need and want connection: only connect. Skip the mind tripping about how you should be more spiritual or different than you are.

      Once you have reunited with love, turn toward the other person (in your heart and mind) and see them as love, too. You don’t have to say anything. They don’t have to realize what’s going on. Just practice it in your own heart.

      For me, the best expression of this principle, can be found in the Hawaiian practice of Ho’o pono pono, which offers this four-step process:

      I love you.
      I’m sorry.
      Please forgive me.
      Thank you.

      Many traditions have similar processes of return, repair and reintegration, including: A Course in Miracles, and, so I’m told, in the end-of-life process some hospice workers suggest.

      We turn toward the self, and we do the work.
      We turn toward the other, and we do the work.
      We turn toward the situation, and we do the work.
      We turn toward anything that separates us from love and we do the work.

      It’s the work that does this.
      If you just read the post and try to figure this out with your mind, you won’t get it.

      When you do this simple practice, the heart suddenly gets it and explains it to the mind.

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