Letting go of attachment to how other people think, behave or live (and why you attached to that in the first place)


We can get caught in stories about “this is just how it is” and how we’ve made mistakes in the past that preclude healthy, happy whole and free lives in the future (or even the present, if we’re willing).

I wanted to say that anything can change. Anything. If we can create and heal relationships with people who are no longer living, we can certainly make our way to love with the people who share earth with us. 

As I have struggled with hard family relationships, it’s helped me enormously to release every person involved in the drama (including myself) to the wisdom and the love of the divine. 

By this, I don’t mean that I throw up my hands and walk away, hoping the angels will step in (though if I did, they would). What I mean is, I notice where I am flowing worry, concern, blame, outrage toward the other person. I isolate these ‘threads of attachment’ in my awareness the way one might untangle a basket of colored wools. 

Once I find the thread of attachment, I don’t cut it – I notice what it really is: a thread of love. I’m attached to this person because I love them – I don’t want to cut the thread. yet I do want to stop worrying, stop holding the person separate from blessing with my concerns. 

This is the hard part – it’s also the easy part. I shift the nature of the attention I am flowing from worry/blame/shame to love. I do this because worry and all of those other feelings are attempts to control another person so that we can feel safe and whole. 

When we shift from concern to love, love without conditions, we shift the nature of the relationship. Instantly. Even though the person is not in the room with us. 

The ho’o pono pono prayer can help with this:

I love you
I’m sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you.

I don’t tell the person Im doing this. I don’t send a text message. I simply do it inside my own heart. 

This transforms relationships. 
Because it shifts the nature of our connections from control to love.

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