Take your next step from love, toward love
A couple of days ago, I decided. “I’m not going to Pacifica. It’s too much. I’m not ready to commit to that kind of money before I’m certain I can earn it without my day job.And with all that I need to do to really relaunch my online business, I’m not sure I can count on having the time… ”In other words, I was doubting myself.Would I show up? Would I be able to ‘handle’ it? If you’ve taken the Soul Caller Training, you know that this is one of my weak spots – the sense that I might be overwhelmed by something, that I might find that I couldn’t handle it – and have to give up.An insidious worm of self-doubt which has caused me to back away from countless opportunities. Anyway…after much thought, I decided that I should wait a year and see what happened.It was a practical decision.I’d find out if I could earn at the level I’d need to, in order to get through without loans.I’d see if the call to attend the program lasted for one more year.Yet even after I’d ‘decided’ – something was not right.So I decided that, before I acted on it, I’d let that decision sit in my heart for a few days.•I had some interesting dreams – none of which gave me a definitive yes or no.•All of which left me feeling as if something was dying. A deep loss.•I started forgetting things in a way that made me wonder if I should see a neurologist.•Really.Then, yesterday, I sent Pacifica a note, the courtesy of telling them I wasn’t coming – not this year.A few hours later…… I was moving some books.They were encased inside of a lucite thing – some sort of file sorting gizmo (which my husband or daughter carried home from the side of a curb somewhere).The lucite thing was probably designed to hold file folders – NOT a huge pile of books – and so, as I lifted it, the lucite thing broke apart – landing squarely and painfully on the top of my foot.So, ow. And blood. And ice. And some brave tears, which brought my husband into the kitchen.We started talking about the boo-boo on my foot and the one that goes ‘ow’ in my heart when I think about not attending Pacifica. Which is, you know, the real boo-boo.Luckily, the lucite thing didn’t do too much damage (Thank you, Angels!) but it did get my attention. It made me realize: Oh, I realized. Oh, I get it!Not taking a step – painful foot boo-boo. These things are symbolically related. So… Guidance. (Thank you, Angels, again!)The message I first took away was this: When you decide not to take the step your heart and soul seem to want you to take – mind your feet.Later, this other message drifted in:You can take any step that you want to take. Just take your next step from love, toward love.