Softening around the big scary ‘because’ in your heart – the one that keeps you defended and scared and mucks up your relationships with unnecessary drama
I am sitting in a cafe where, at the next table, a young woman (all of 16?) is berating her boyfriend, also so young, about texting another girl. He is trying, so hard, to reassure her that the other girl is just a friend and frankly, I believe him.
I think she does, too. I sense that all of this drama is designed to train him in some way. So he will never dare to text another girl again. I don’t know her reasons – but I can see there is a great big ‘because’ in all of this – in her – that’s not being addressed in their discussion.
So, because I am me, I am looking at that BECAUSE – the glowing crevasse of pain that opened up in this teenager’s heart when her boyfriend texted someone else. And I am remembering my own ‘becauses’ – all the tender and vulnerable places I defended just as ferociously as this young girl now defends her own.
And I guess that’s why I’m writing this – and also, because she is so loud (in the volume of her voice and her unrelentingly defended energy) that I am unable to focus on my own thoughts and work.
So, I am offering this post as a prayer: Please hold this beautiful young couple in your protection. Help them to address these things from an easier place – a place where love has a chance to touch and heal this tender ‘because’.
I am asking this for all of us: May we all find in ourselves that place – where we tell the person we are in relationship with (by choice, out of some kind of mutual love and respect) “I was hurt. I felt as if you might like her. I was scared.”
A place which could open a place in our partner to say, “I’m sorry. I feel sad about this, too. Let’s talk about it.”